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Cannabis life hacks: Five reasons you probably shouldn’t smoke weed before a blind date

Your date’s less than 25 minutes away. You’re ready: You look good, feel good — you even smell good. You’re on track to make a positive first impression.

But you’re anxious. Dinner really counts. The movie — a bad idea you’re now realizing, the two of you sitting there silently, awkwardly, next to each other for two whole hours — isn’t a certainty if you screw dinner up. Your date could leave after the appetizer, not feeling you. Damn.

A bong rip would help you relax, you think. Weed has been your go-to for so long, especially going out somewhere. Anywhere. (And drinking too early is a terrible idea, of course.) Yet the angel on your shoulder tells you: Smoke later, after your date ends … maybe tomorrow.

Listen to the angel. Here are five reasons smoking weed before a blind date is a bad idea:

1. You get chatty (or too quiet)

Nothing ruins communication like a one-sided conversation. And we tend to ramble a little when we’re stoned, so … put down the bong. Your gameplan: Ask interesting questions. Be an active listener. That’s the key. When you get high, you’re seeing everything differently — like a mini acid trip. Unless they’ve burned one just now themselves, your date isn’t going to be on your level. On the flip side, being stoned could make you too pensive … and much too quiet isn’t very becoming either. It’s weird.

2. Smoking weed is a turnoff for some people

Never assume another person loves ganja. Especially when the other person is your date. They may hate it. They may be allergic to it. Maybe their parent in jail on possession charges. BTW: Even those who don’t partake can tell when you’re stoned. Everybody knows the indicators. Stay off the grass and don’t reveal too much about yourself too soon. Your affinity for high-grade weed may turn off some really good people — even if there’s chemistry.

3. You ruin your game

If your objective is sex, you have to really want it and pursue it. Smoking cannabis can dampen your desire. Smoke right before a date, and the odds are good you’ll be going home alone later that night. With weed, your brain’s pleasure sensors go crazy. You feel great, just as you are. Your motivation goes up in smoke. As philosopher king-slash-comedian Katt Williams observes, “There is a chemical in weed that’s called ‘fuck it.'”

4. You get way too hungry

Sometimes, even the most seasoned smokers don’t realize how bad their hunger really is until it hits them … right when their dish is served. Or, if you’re too high, food may be all you’ve focused on throughout the date. Not the other person. Not the person you came here to meet. Either way, you will now eat until you hate yourself … and your date will agree.

5. You get sleepy

Then you want sweet repose. Even if dinner goes well, you have to stay awake for the movie. That’s nearly impossible if you ate like a lumberjack back at the restaurant. At this point in the evening, all the weed-induced, happy neurotransmitters are done firing — now they’re converting to melatonin, the hormone that makes you want to hibernate like a bear. Not even caffeine can’t help you now. Fall asleep midway through the film, drooling and snoring while sitting upright in the theater seat, and it’s guaranteed to be a no-hanky-panky night.

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