Strain Theory: Headband
By the numbers: $59.45 an 1/8th at The Clinic Colorado, 3888 E. Mexico Ave. in Denver
After smoking over a hundred strains of marijuana, it’s hard to be sentimental about any one in particular. That isn’t to say my predilection for Haze is unfounded, because certain genetics certainly “Cheech my Chong.” Some just fall by the wayside, like an old friend who doesn’t post on Facebook for months at a time. When someone mentioned smoking some excellent Headband the other day, it was that little red internet notification that went off in my brain.
Oh, right. That’s a thing that exists. Then the fates intervened as I saw a post from The Clinic’s new recreational shop mourning the Broncos’ loss with a wide selection of strains that included Headband.
If there’s a knock on The Clinic, it’s that they almost feel too clean to be a dispensary. Pictures are framed. Lighting is done on tracks. The staff doesn’t seem high. It’s IKEA without the unbearable ennui. I passed on the High Times-winning Stardawg Guava mainly because it sounds too much like a failed 90’s Nintendo title and I can’t get past that, but it looked gorgeous and was intoxicating by nose alone. I just understood my mission.
Like the Girl Scout Cookies I previously reviewed, Headband is a cross of a high-flying sativa with a pair of heavy indicas. Think the Ultimate Warrior coming off the top rope and landing on Andre the Giant. In stoner math, that equates to Sour Diesel X [OG Kush X Master Kush] if I still understand how the order of operations works. They list it as a sativa-dominant hybrid, something I’ve always felt swung the other way, but genetics can vary so I’ll have to trust them.
And from the look of it, they’re not far off. Sour Diesel tends to look like it’s covered in tiny green light bulbs with light hairs, and that’s definitely more prominent than Kush characteristics with this Headband. The aroma has a touch of diesel, but there’s a lot of earthiness that reminds me this isn’t just a stray Diesel being passed off as another jar, and The Clinic is usually stellar at identifying genetics, something I sincerely appreciate.
I was still fighting remnants of the flu but had a function I couldn’t miss, even if the temperatures hovered near zero. One of my favorite people in the world, Betty Aldworth, was having a big sendoff at Jonesy’s before leaving for D.C. The party, sponsored by the National Cannabis Industry Association, would have a bevy of industry types buzzing around. Being high is a survival tactic at these things.
Most people know Betty as one of the dominant faces — and more important, voices — of the Regulate Marijuana Like Alcohol campaign that helped bring legal cannabis to our state. I knew Betty as a colleague and mentor at Colorado Dispensary Services, where we both held down the fort at their 17th and Downing location for almost a year. I’d be remiss if I didn’t Headband up and get my ass down there.
A majority of the reviews you read about Headband routinely say that “it feels like you’re actually wearing a headband,” which never felt particularly helpful to me. Does this strain muss up my hair? Increase my tennis prowess? Not in the least.
For me, it’s always that immediate head high that is extremely euphoric and uplifting, like serving for an ace. The strong indica roots ameliorated those dull aches I had lingering from being under the weather and, in particular, neck pain from being on the laptop too much in bed. The bitter-cold temps only seemed to bother my ears, ironically enough. Headband? More like Snuggie.
Inside, I saw a few familiar faces who I was more than pleased to catch up with, enjoying a couple Mama’s Little Yella Pils (a Colorado beer that sounds decidedly like not-beer) and engaging in rapt conversations. Once those rounds had been made, however, I found myself more than satisfied to sit back and people watch with a contentedness I can only attribute to the strain. Usually, I’d just up and leave. I’m fairly confident that Betty noticed at one point and pulled me aside to make sure I was enjoying myself. She’s amazingly intuitive like that.
After an hour and a half, the initial sativa boost had thoroughly worn off and I was spent. After a few speeches in her honor, I felt myself getting choked up and attempted to “Irish goodbye” my way out, thwarted by a long wait for a cab. In a way, I had two great friends in Headband and Betty that helped get me through one of those events I’ll admit I’m awful at. For the former, I’m glad I reconnected, and the latter, I’ll cherish no matter where she is. Good luck, Betty, and congratulations to Students for Sensible Drug Policy, which is incredibly lucky to have you.