Strain Theory: Skywalker OG
By the numbers: $16/gram, max purchase of $50/eighth at Mile High Recreational Cannabis, 1705 Federal Blvd. in Denver.
In hindsight, Skywalker OG may have been the perfect selection for this Patriots fan living in the heart of the Death Star that is Broncos country. With Belichickian levels of hubris, I traveled to the belly of the beast — 17th and Federal to be exact, in the neighborhood of Sports Authority Field at Mile High — to grab a gram of the always energetic Flo for pregaming, joking to the budtender that the Skywalker would be my contingency plan.
I know that most of the New England faithful will spout platitudes about how injuries derailed the season, that it was “just nice to be there,” but this just flat out sucks. I wish they could have some OG with me.
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Normally, you’d be better off talking to a Niners fan about the Skywalker OG, as it is a staple of the California collective scene. I fell in love with this cut when it was introduced to me in 2010 by a caregiver from Los Feliz, grabbing QP (quarter-pound in the bud business) after QP to stock our jars. This was back before vertical integration required us to grow 70 percent of our shelves. Those were the days.
Most find the bud structure to be a turnoff, as these plants aren’t typically suited to grow those forearm-length High Times cover shots you see. My budtender seemed apologetic that the nugs ranged from popcorn to mini-marshmallow in size, but it was precisely what I was expecting. And that doesn’t sound like a half-bad snack right now.
Cracking up a couple of the smaller nugs is like smelling the inside of an old rubber Darth Vader Halloween mask, only if your storage unit was a pine tree on Endor. It’s all of that great OG earthiness that always suggests I’m about to be seriously grounded. None of this came through in the smoke, however, as it tasted more like hash with an almost viscous mouthfeel.
In the medical scene, this is often used as a strong sedative and pain reliever — just not emotional pain. Smoking several bowls, however, had me surprisingly upbeat.
“Hey, I’ve never lived in a city when they won a Super Bowl!”
“Good for Wes Welker!”
I’ve also worked up an impressive appetite for a grown man who may or may not have cried, so I made quick work of some short ribs and polenta, reminding me that this strain comes with a terrible case of the munchies. Having no enthusiasm for watching the late game, my girlfriend and I decided to catch up on some “Sherlock,” but there’s something about British accents, televised golf, and OG Kush varieties that put me down like a baby.
Waking up some four hours later, I find out my worst nightmare has been realized: two weeks of tired “Smoke-A-Bowl” jokes. Yes, Washington state and Colorado legalized it and now they’re headed to the big game. No, I am not interested in your meme about it, and no amount of this Skywalker OG is going to change that.
Good luck in the Meadowlands, Denver. God, this must be how Tim Tebow feels all the time.