An example of Agent Orange from a different Colorado dispensary (Ry Prichard, The Cannabist)

Agent Orange (marijuana review)

As we stepped into the coffee shop equivalent of the feminist bookstore in “Portlandia,” I knew two things: we were in Boulder and I wasn’t nearly high enough. My Buff-alum girlfriend surely wishes my relationship with her alma mater’s stomping grounds wasn’t so contentious, but this town and I have never seen eye to eye. It’s the New York City to my Homer Simpson. Unlike the Big Apple, though, I can legally purchase pot in Boulder, where a handful of recreational shops are now open.

By the numbers: $22.50/half eighth, $90/quarter at Terrapin Care Station, 1795 Folsom St. in Boulder

You’d think Terrapin Care Station was selling knock-off text books with the number of students buzzing in and out of the place. Meeting up with ABC-TV’s Australia’s Ben Knight, just getting a shot of us walking in took five minutes as someone was always on their way in or out. And while one customer told us the wait the day before had been an hour, shopping on Tuesday in the middle of the afternoon meant we could head straight back. Thankfully, class is still in session for some not having a “session” of their own.

With a good ten or so selections available, Terrapin was relatively well-stocked, although my budtender assured us that this was on the low end as they continue to adjust to rec-life. He even scrounged up some of their signature White Slipper from the back to bolster their selection of what amounted to a “greatest hits” compilation from TGA Genetics. Space Bomb? Check. Chernobyl? Check. Agent Orange? Sold.

I love showing someone with relatively little marijuana experience a sativa-dominant hybrid like Agent Orange because it’s one of the best illustrations of how varied these genetics are. I could have just as easily started peeling a Cuties clementine tangerine. Smelling it after a jar of Durban Poison, there’s no doubt these are distinct plants. Sure, there’s a little spice and skunk underneath, but if you’re not smelling a California cash crop, you’ve been had.

Typically, you’re not going to see a huge smattering of crystals (trichomes) on the Agent Orange, and this was true of Terrapin’s cut as well. The resin glands I did find had a nice mix of cloudy and clear, with a solid cure that was evident from the smell alone. Opening my jar of tiny, dense nugs, there was a fair number of burnt orange hairs contrasting with the light green surface. It’s the kind of strain you’d pass on if you were battling a head cold, with not a ton of jar appeal.

Map: Colorado medical dispensaries and recreational marijuana centers

Ben wanted to get some shots of me actually sampling Terrapin’s wares, which means smoking on camera, something I’ll probably never get used to. I’ve been loading bowls for years, but put the lens on me and suddenly I start holding my lighter weird. At least that’s what’s running through my head. The first hit is smooth, with plenty of that orange and I say something like “Nice!” and jot a couple notes. By the third hit, though, it’s fairly hashy and thick smoke, almost cough worthy. I should have put it through our old Buddha vaporizer, but I’m not fighting through the mass of luggage and other crap I’ve buried it under in our closet.

The head buzz hits me as they’re packing up, leaving me a half-second behind in conversation. It’s like watching a poorly dubbed video where the audio and visual don’t match up and drives me nuts. I’m blaming it on my particular inability to properly hear accents when I’m high. I’ve lost entire episodes of “Downton Abbey” this way. Ten minutes later, though, I’m ready for trivia night.

A proper sativa should put a smile on your face when used in moderation, and the energy can be infectious. My buddy and podcast co-host Zac – nominee for Westword’s “Sexiest Male Budtender” – has been dabbing in the background and is on the opposite end of the spectrum. That is, stoned as hell. I’m in rally-the-troops mode, as we’re four-time trivia champions at our neighborhood bar. This is a miracle, as I’m strong in three categories: cartoons, sports and geography. Otherwise, I’m just in the way.

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Simply put, our title defense was offensively bad. Usually this would have been quite upsetting. I’m that guy who cares too much about bar trivia, but the Agent Orange was worth its weight in points. Other than leaving me completely unable to process math, it was a lucid and articulate high that should leave you feeling light overall.

People are always asking for recommendations for good daytime smoke that won’t knock them out, and this definitely delivers in that regard. It even does a decent job with pain management, as my back felt loose after tightening up during yardwork over the weekend. For a hybrid they tout as a 60/40 sativa-leaning split, though, I didn’t get much of the indica vibe.

If you have to go to Boulder, don’t. If you’re in Boulder, get out. If neither of those are an option, Terrapin Care Station should make your stay that much more palatable. Just try to hit them while the kids are still sleeping.