An example of Afgoo from a different Colorado dispensary (Ry Prichard, The Cannabist)

Afgoo (marijuana review)

I missed the era of old-timer weed, where strains like Acapulco Gold and Panama Red were classified by a simpler stoner who knew A) where they were and B) what their pot looked like. My first “buds” were brown, flat, and contained a lot of things we should have been picking out if we’d known any better. If Afgoo looked out of place at a slick joint like Euflora, it’s only because it harkened back to a day when strains weren’t tinkered with endlessly to produce modern super-buds. Trapped there in a display jar, it looked more like the oldest lion in the zoo. I wanted to free it.

I’m glad I don’t have The Ombudsman’s job some days, because I’m not sure how I’d have made heads or tails of Euflora. Stopping in on the Friday of 4/20 weekend, it was a cattle call of out-of-state smokers looking to get a taste of what this Colorado “Green Rush” is all about. They surely didn’t get that experience, as Euflora reminded me much more of a Gap that went defunct and had to sell pot to make rent. Jars with tablets next to them were set on various tables, with guys wearing headsets occasionally asking “Is there anything I can help you find?” like I was looking for a new pair of chinos.

Afgoo by the numbers: $20/gram at Euflora, 401 16th Street Mall, in Denver

Out of the 20 or so containers I peeked at, most seemed pedestrian at best. Sure, there was a fine Blue Dream, but others (like JillyBean #3 or Juicy Fruit) looks like they needed more time or simply a better phenotype. They bet on the wrong horse, and now you’re the one smoking it. Sitting on the indica table was Afgoo, an indica I’d had bad luck with back in the dispensary days, as we purchased a quarter-pound that had a little bud mold I had missed. The smell was off, but it was at least prominent. An hour later, I had my “winner.”

Afgoo (sometimes Afgooey, which sounds somehow worse) is old school, combining Afghani indica roots with Hawaii’s own Maui Haze. In spite of the Haze roots, this almost always comes out as rock-hard nuggets that have distinctly dark-green sugar leaf contrasting against the more island-like light-orange hairs. There’s also a lot to like in the resin department, as this consistently produces an abundance of trichomes like a rapper somehow made it snow instead of rain on them.

Usually, I’m pulling a lot more of a sugary pine note off of Afgoo — almost like a rosemary olive oil cake — but Euflora’s cut is like that cake topped with macerated bing cherries. Also, can you tell it’s good for appetite?

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My plan for the Cannabis Cup weekend was to check out flower to see who had the goods worth stopping back to review, but mostly check out more dabs and do an immersion weekend. There was a lot happening on that side of the business, and it felt like immersion with all the new terms being thrown out there. At the end of the day, Afgoo should be the nail in the coffin to get a few hours sleep and do it all again the next day.

Unfortunately, after three pulls off the Afgoo, the fact that I hadn’t eaten much during the day sunk in. This was a performance-enhancing drug for a competitive eater, as I finished a plate of pork chops and applesauce in record time. Then a half-pint of ice cream and discount Valentine’s candy I had stashed. Oh, there’s smoked turkey breast left? Don’t mind if I do. And I’m not usually one to suffer from “munchies” that extend into multiple meals. Even with the embarrassingly high caloric intake, the Afgoo helped me surrender to bed, but I’m not sure I even needed it.

After a heavy-puffing weekend, I wanted to get a better feel for the Afgoo itself on Tuesday night. Again, it proved to be more tiring, disengaging, and demanding on the gut than I had expected. My mind wasn’t on my feet, which had been killing after running what amounted to a small marathon for me, but it wasn’t on much else, either.

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I don’t often think of this strain as grounding, but perhaps I just hadn’t had the right amount of Afghoo before. It was like being on a plane and not being able to pop your ears; everything felt slightly fuzzier, though with little consequences and better snacks.

There are many people who get high for the sake of being high. In fact, they were some of my best conversations over the Cannabis Cup weekend. While I enjoy being “high,” it’s a love/hate relationship because of the “stoned” that comes with a strain like Afgoo. This is the ultimate in self-medicating — an off-switch for most worrying and anxiety. As long as you aren’t worried about your weight.