An example of Bruce Banner #3 from a different Colorado dispensary (Ry Prichard, The Cannabist)

Bruce Banner #3 (marijuana review)

Strain Theory: Bruce Banner #3

By the numbers: $20/gram (max of 1 gram currently) at LoDo Wellness Center, 1617 Wazee St. in Denver

Well, that was disappointing.

When I left for LoDo Wellness around 2 p.m. on Tuesday, I was prepared for the round-the-block lines and a bevy of food trucks that the TV warned me would be waiting. Sure, it might be chilly, but I’d undoubtedly make a line buddy that would bask in the novelty of it all with me. We’d keep in touch on Facebook. I can see it now.

Read more Cannabist strain reviews: Blueberry, Triple Diesel, Girls Scout Cookies and more.

Instead, it was 12 minutes from check-in to smoke-out via a line that more closely resembled a busy day at Wells Fargo than living history. No receipt to frame. No “We did it!” high-fives like when Amendment 64 passed.

Just a gram of Bruce Banner #3.

See, I’ve been waiting almost 4 years to smoke the Marvel-themed marijuana named for Hulk’s wussy alter-ego. Back in the day when I was a budtender at The Releaf Center, we paid $1,000 for a clone (weed speak for a cutting) of the Banner numero tres. The problem, however, was the clone was riddled with mites, powdery mildew and had no root structure. Charge it to the game, as they say.

This is how insanely popular this Colorado cut was, with lines out the door for a taste of this OG Kush and Strawberry Diesel cross at the original breeder’s dispensary Delta9. Nowadays it is widely distributed — available at 17 Colorado dispensaries right now, according to — but I’d always held a grudge. Blame it on my Capricorn nature.

Determined to get some sativa for the post-holiday, back-to-reality blues, there were four choices available when I popped in. Honestly, I would have taken a gram of the divinely funky Lemon G13 on hand if it wasn’t on the stringy side. Instead, I’d finally have my date with Bruce.

Density is one of my favorite traits when you’re getting a kush phenotype, as they tend to be compact, almost popcorn-sized buds, perfect for smoking on the go. It’s the herb you’d get back in the day and immediately feel like your “dude” had shorted you. This BB3 was no exception, as the nug itself clearly leans to the OG Kush genetics externally as the diesel-esque rounded calyxes are noticeably absent. The same goes for the nose, with big notes of burning rubber as opposed to refueling the car.

I’m starting to wonder if anyone bothered to invite Strawberry Diesel to the party.

While there was a fair amount of purple on some jar nugs, what I left with had only the occasional flourish, with most of the buds a firm India green (consult your big book of flags) sporting dark red hairs. Trichome coverage definitely added to the jar appeal, and under the microscope there’s a great mix of cloudy with the occasional amber head, my favorite cure for a sativa-dominant strain that has kush traits. This tends to keep your high more racy and less crashing.

In the end, a little crash might have been nice.

There are so many great reasons to get high (don’t tell Bill O’Reilly) that people all over Colorado discovered this week. For me, it’s usually a great sleep aid or helps kick me into a creative gear, depending on the smoke. After my “New Talent” set at Comedy Works, I was looking for a way to calm the eff down. I’m not a particularly good stand-up comic (and trust me, that’s not false modesty), but there’s a rush that’s more addicting than crack-laced pork belly that keeps me getting back on stage. Doing moderately well is enough to keep me awake and Candy Crushing to the point my lovely girlfriend wants to smother me with a pillow.

So, why not smoke some of this Bruce Banner #3, with every indication that I’m going to get an Indica-like high and drift off to sleep?

I might as well have played Russian Roulette with pots of regular and decaf coffee.

The Strawberry Diesel is lurking in there, ready to pounce on your unsuspecting brain. We both took a hit, then proceeded to pillow talk until two or three in the morning, paying rapt attention to each other. The next morning, I asked her what we talked about.

“I … don’t remember.”

This isn’t to say the effects are anything less than lucid but more that we covered just about every topic under the moon that night. Creative and wordy, diesel strains give me a loquaciousness that make them a blast for social smoking. I never smoke before a set, but if I did, Sour Diesel would be my go-to herb. All I could think was that this was the perfect bud for the holidays — and tolerating relatives — without giving away your stoner secret.

Bruce Banner #3, I forgive you. My only disappointment was not smoking you earlier — and earlier in the day.