There’s a time and a place for everything. A hot day in the sun calls for a cold beer and a nap, just like a rainy weekend afternoon provides some much-needed alone time with your favorite person.
That’s just the yin and yang of life.
Then there are the in-betweens – the sticky life situations that necessitate bringing out the secret weapon: marijuana.
1. Work functions
No one’s really up for this year’s summer barbecue. Everyone is hoping to make a brief career-smart appearance, then scram with a full belly. There’s tension in the air, lots of standing around trying to avoid certain people. Boozing hard could land you a bad reputation, so you sip your beer and sneak bites of your edibles, because someone eventually will step up and make this thing epic.
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2. After an argument
Nothing makes amends like sharing a toke after a fight: “What were we even arguing about, honey?” “I can’t remember. But we should definitely order a pizza.” Weed is a great tool of diplomacy. If only the world leaders could burn one down and get along. Oh, wishful thinking…
3. Terrible live performances
Sober, you’re so embarrassed for your friend performing their cringe-worthy one-act play that you feign an upset stomach so you don’t have to lie to them later about how much you enjoyed it. But if you go in there stoned out of your mind, you’ll probably give it a chance, and the performance will end up moving you.
4. Waiting at the DMV
The sloth metaphor in “Zootopia” certainly rings true. The key is to be so blitzed that the DMV people are actually moving too fast for you. You can’t keep up with them. You’re out of there in what feels like no time, and you avoid acting like a jerk and ruining everyone’s day.
5. When a date goes wrong
This happens to the best of us. You show up late. Call your date by the wrong name. Leave your wallet at home. But if you’re already stoned, you’re likely to take the date less seriously and figure you can at least make a new friend.
6. Obligatory family events
Nothing is as torturous as sitting through a long, mind-numbingly tedious wedding or graduation. You’re doing this for someone else, out of kindness. You can easily ruin the day by sighing and squirming in your seat like a child. Or you can smoke a bowl beforehand, after which you’re more selfless, positive and calm.
7. When a meal is completely ruined
Everyone else at the table is turning up their noses at the burnt casserole. Yet you’re already asking for seconds. No one gets their feelings hurt, and you leave looking like a hero. Guess who’s going to be invited back when they finally get the recipe right.