After immersing myself in the Star Wars universe over the weekend, I think I have an idea of why there’s such a crossover between our communities. They’re great movies to watch high as a TIE fighter. With both “Star Wars Day” (May the Fourth Be With You — get it?) and Cinco de Mayo coming up, here’s a Denver guide to two completely unrelated events that you’re allowed to be stoned at:
While your costumes may be a little gamy by Day 3 of the May The Fourth Be With You weekend events, everyone will likely be too hungover to care. Start off the day with a vegetarian “Recovery Brunch” with DJ JD at City, O’ City, then head upstairs to the Deer Pile at 2 p.m., where comedians will be doing MST3K-style riffing on “Dreamscape” — a movie I’ve never seen that has no Google-able relation to the “Star Wars” franchise. This is one of Denver’s best DIY comedy spaces, so what better way to celebrate that clearly homemade C-3PO suit? Just make sure your wookie isn’t showing and you’ve got plenty of Jedi Kush.
Denver Outlaws vs. Ohio Machine
$12, 3 p.m. May 4 at Sports Authority Field, 1701 Bryant St. in Denver. More info here
If you’re high enough, there’s a good chance you’ve watched a fair amount of lacrosse on ESPN2. Not that it wouldn’t be enjoyable otherwise. The Outlaws’ home opener comes Sunday, and they’re looking to get nerdy with special theme jerseys and in-game performances by the 501st Legion and Rebel Legion Mountain Garrison — two organizations that put “Rocky Horror Picture Show” fans to shame. With Denver sporting X-Wing Pilot threads while facing off against the Imperial forces, the only way this could get better is the Outlaws players replacing their usual sticks with light sabers. Proceeds benefit the Wounded Warrior Project.
Comics Against Civility: Round 2
Free, 10 p.m. May 4 at Voodoo Comedy Playhouse, 1260 22nd St. in Denver. More info here
Full disclosure: I run this show. A special May The Fourth edition of this comedy game show runs in the (marijuana) smoking friendly Voodoo Comedy Playhouse, so I’d be remiss in leaving it out of the festivities. In a much, much dirtier version of the popular card game Apples to Apples (or Cards Against Humanity), comedians face off to provide the best answers for audience submitted fill-in-the-blank cards. Prizes are awarded for the funniest “Star Wars” related suggestions from the crowd, like “The worst part about shaving an Ewok is _________.” But don’t use that one.
The price of gas, all day May 4 (and probably to a lesser degree on May 5) at Federal Boulevard between West 38th Avenue and West Florida Avenue in Denver.
A time-honored and oft-bemoaned portion of Denver’s weekend Cinco de Mayo celebration, driving down Federal gets a bad rap. There’s loud music, honking, and far too much drinking, so consider pairing your day with a nice sativa and a sober driver. Lowriders will be out in full force, doing those cool tricks you only see in movies. They’re like the magicians of the automotive world. Don’t have any mota? Check out Mile High Recreational Cannabis for on-route pre-rolls of your favorite ganja, where I recently grabbed some Skywalker OG.
Que Bueno Taco Eating Contest
Free, noon May 4 at Civic Center Park, 101 W. 14th Ave. in Denver. Details here
Want to unleash your inner Kobayashi? Fancy yourself a fan of American gurgitator Joey Chestnut? Smoke some of your favorite indica for a good case of the munchies and go crush some shells at the Que Bueno contest. Consume five chicken and five pork tacos as fast as you can for your chance to win a framed certificate and $100 restaurant gift card. You might even get a free T-shirt, as they ask your size when you sign up. That might also be simply to size you up. I will guarantee that you’ll find the best people watching of the weekend, and with contestants being disqualified for puking, people will hopefully be all you’re watching. Register online.
Fourth Annual Cinco de Mayo Chihuahua Races
Free, 3 p.m. May 4 at Civic Center Park, 101 W. 14th Ave. in Denver. Details here
Feeling disgusted about yourself and life in general after your egregious consumption of tacos is normal after competitive eating contests. Liven things up with the kind of dog races your great grandpa would be ashamed you attended: Chihuahua. Greyhounds may be majestic, but this should be comical as dogs race for pride and $500 for their humans. Caution: eat something before attending, as the sight of these tiny dogs may give you flashbacks to the “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” days, and you can do better than thinking outside of the bun. Being high at Taco Bell is simply not an option.