An example of Green Crack from a different Colorado dispensary (Ry Prichard, The Cannabist)

Green Crack (marijuana review)

Strain Theory: The energetic effects of this sativa border on excessive

Everyone loves a good weed story, even if they tend to be really, really long. So when Snoop Dogg smoked some herb so intense he dubbed it “Green Crack,” it became a legend overnight. Being zoned out for a few days as some recent dental-health issues started to affect my mental health, I thought an energy boost might be in order for the NoCo Hemp Expo. Meeting and greeting drains me as an introvert, but Green Crack was over-the-top in terms of what I needed.

It’s the go-to strain if you want to make fun of the silliness inherent in the naming conventions we use. Clearly, it’s not good to name anything after crack cocaine. At the end of the day, I could care less what they call it, as I don’t think “Cush” — the original monicker — is that much better. Names are important, however: calling it Marijuana #2943 tells me nothing about the lineage or expected effects. At least when the word crack is involved, I can guess it should be energetic.

Green Crack by the numbers: $11.50/gram, $265/ounce at The Health Center Uptown, 1736 Downing St. in Denver

In fact, the name sold me. On my trip to The Health Center, I had originally wanted a strong indica. I also hadn’t seen decent Green Crack in dozens of visits to dispensaries, leading me to believe it might be slowly phased out by the industry. Blacklisted, sans James Spader. I always try to keep a fun sativa in stock for the occasional daytime smoke and house guests, as there’s nothing worse than a handful of people hanging out without a word to say among them. Green Crack: it’s a conversation piece!

The nose was more reminiscent of a good Durban Poison, but less chemmy and more earthy up front as I first opened my bag. There’s almost some pineapple buried under there, like Sponge Bob lives deep in this nug. Of the phenotype, this leans toward Skunk #1 with a pointed bud structure and tons of hairs, although not as downright Wookie-ish as some other crosses that share the genetics. If not for that woody incense, it could almost be mistaken for an island sativa.


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Since I needed to be “on” talking hemp with people who have been in the industry for much longer than myself, I loaded up my Magic Flight Launch Box, as vaping usually gives me a manageable high. Citrus and spice were much more present in the smoke, and after three hits I had a great head change. When I arrived at the expo, I was ready to rub elbows. And not just with hemp salve.

Then, I kicked into overdrive. I met a young cannabis enthusiast named Desmond who was interested in all things related to this great plant. He had no idea I was about to unleash a barrage of words upon him. My girlfriend insisted we get a picture together, one which I look far too awake in. Instead of trying some indica Ultra Sonja to calm down, I picked up a cup of Happy Heart Hemp Coffee. Then, an hour later, a Cannabis Energy Drink with mango. Mango contains myrcene, which is said to intensify a THC high. My uncomfortable energy was peaking, as I was noticeably jittery talking to other vendors.

Way to nail a first impression, Jake.


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I tried the Green Crack again the next day to similar effect. I’m prone to pacing while talking on the phone, but I was actually retracing my steps, avoiding cracks, and still interrupting people on conference calls because I flat-out couldn’t shut up. It had little effect on my tooth pain, with the subtle throbbing reverberating in my noggin. A couple of hours later, I had calmed down playing “2048” in an attempt to focus on a singular thing. I’m no physician, but this is as close as I’ve come to marijuana-induced ADD.

As a big fan of sativas, I had expected to enjoy the Green Crack high I’d always had. Primarily, a dialed-in and centered buzz that allowed me to knock out tasks as they came up. Instead, I was all over the place. A kid wearing Moon boots in a jumpy castle. Perhaps it has the opposite effect for some, providing a certain calmness to their day. I was closer to chanting “Serenity now!” than relaxing, though. Green Crack is a hell of a drug, man.


More marijuana reviews: Whether you’re looking for sativas or indicas, find a wide variety of options at Strain Theory.