While stoners aren’t particularly known for their stellar memory, it’s hard to miss this year’s Friday celebration of Valentine’s Day. I’ve been inundated with ads for flowers and candy, and flowers made of candy, for what feels like months now. Instead of getting ripped and splitting a a box of chocolates this year, here are some unique events — all scheduled for Friday Feb. 14 — that go beyond your typical dinner date, and they pair well with a nice buzz. Prix fixe menus are no fun, anyway.
A Threesome with Mary Jane
$125 per person, 8 p.m. at The Space Gallery (765 Sante Fe Drive in Denver)
Suggesting a threesome is usually the easiest way to ruin a Valentine’s Day. If you’re going to do it, I’d recommend Edible Events Co.’s anthropomorphized “Mary Jane” to preserve your Facebook relationship status. Dubbed as a “BYOC” or Bring Your Own Cannabis party, they won’t actually be supplying your high, but attendees will be encouraged to consume freely. That includes bud and Budweiser, as the open bar and passed apps give everyone a chance to indulge their inner hedonist. While Italian food doesn’t scream “sexy” to me — I’m partial to French classics — organizer Jane West promises shoulder massages in a private space, live nude body painting, and “the sexiest music videos of all time” showing on one of the gallery’s walls. Benny Benassi better get some love.
Nerd Prom w/ Bop Skizzum
$10 advance, $15 door, 7 p.m. at The Gothic Theatre (3263 S. Broadway, Englewood)
Bop Skizzum is one of the few bands I actually still dance to when I see them live. These knees ain’t what they used to be. Being their last show, “Nerd Prom” will bring an extra helping of sadness to a day already prone to feeling a touch of the blues for so many. That being said, the crowning of the King and Queen (which includes a Lego crown and passes to the Denver Comic Con) promises to rule (no pun intended) and if you can’t spark a joint in a crowded music venue, where can you?
$99 day pass, 5 p.m. at the Sherman Street Event Center (1770 Sherman St. in Denver)
I’m going to turn this over to my mom, who will be attending and chanted last year. I had a lot of questions too.
What’s Chant Fest?
“It’s a combination of yoga and kirtan.”
What’s “kirtan,” Mom?
Devotion to who?
“It doesn’t matter. It’s that you’re opening your heart.”
That can’t be bad on Valentine’s Day, right? Could someone go if they’re high?
“Sure. It starts off slow and then builds to a crescendo.”
That sounds like sex, Mom.
“Well, when it’s done you can hear a pin drop.”
Yup. Just like sex.
Valentine’s Day Singles Mingle with 3 Blind Dates
$8 advance, $10 door, 7 p.m. at the Voodoo Comedy Playhouse (1260 22nd St. in Denver)
For those looking to go stag, check out Voodoo’s “Singles Mingle” where on-stage speed dating turns into a group thing. Yes, the audience ultimately decides whom each of the three single ladies ends up with as comedy is bound to ensue. While it sounds terrifying to most, take solace in knowing that you won’t be in front of the crowd like a nightmare where you forget to wear pants. Wearing a literal heart on your sleeve to show you’re available, the “Mingle” portion kicks off at 6:30 with happy hour. The hour scientifically proven to lead to the most ill-advised hookups.
Affordable, 11 a.m.-9 p.m., all metro area locations
Well, you forgot to make reservations. It’s the stuff sitcoms have been made of since the 80’s. Don’t panic. Your ironic trip to Country Buffet will save the day. Their Valentine’s package may not include a dozen roses or an open flame of any sort on your table, but they are promising special love-themed desserts. The party train doesn’t stop there, as dining from Feb. 14-16 scores you a Two Can Dine dinner for only $15.99 (with drink purchase) on your next visit before March 2. Because you clearly couldn’t get enough. Wait, there’s more? Bring the kids on that next trip for only $0.99 each. Perfect for the lady in your life that finds fine print sexy, and what stoner turns down all-you-can-eat?